I had 3-5 chemical pregnancies!

Ok, please DO NOT let me freak you out 😱 but as an OBGYN 👩‍⚕️, I didn’t think I’d be having 3-5 (I lost count) chemical pregnancies 💔 in a row! Whenever I had a patient with one, they’d come back pregnant the next time 🤰. That was the vast majority.

I knew what a chemical pregnancy was, which I guess was an advantage. I didn’t have to spend time explaining to myself that it’s not really a miscarriage. It’s just that the fertilized embryo didn’t stick. That made me feel better. I was also able to tell myself I was fertile and that was a good thing. That helped me the first two times. Ok, that’s not true. It helped me a tiny bit the first time.

Despite my telling my patients that they should try to enjoy the journey…the fun in my journey stopped pretty early on. I was obsessed with my fertile window. I nailed it every time. (That’s what he said lol 😂). Something was off. Why the heck was it not sticking??? So I went to see an REI who helped me BE a patient. He reminded me that I couldn’t treat myself so I listened to him and got on Femara. Sorry, I can’t remember if I had any chemicals after that but I’m almost positive I didn’t. I did get pregnant very quickly AGAIN. This time I got to see the pregnancy line darken. Oh, what would’ve given to have some self-control and NOT have to see the line darken…I would’ve loved to have waited 2.5 wks instead of 9 days to start testing. I promised myself every time that I would wait longer the next time.

Anyway, this email won’t end great because, spoiler alert, I had real miscarriages after that! 😢 But you do know I have 3 kids 👶👶👶 so don’t make this email about YOU. The fact that I had this issue doesn’t mean you will. 🌈

What I know now that I wish I would’ve known then: that I should’ve been able to mourn my loses because even if they weren’t miscarriages, they were real loses to me. Loss of hope. A disappointment. A fear of never becoming a mom. I should’ve given myself more space. But I did power through and, in a way, I’m glad I did.

I would’ve loved to have a doctor who went through this as my sounding board. So I created my SMS texting package for other moms who need that.

Did you have any chemical pregnancies?

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